“Travel far enough, you meet yourself.” – David Mitchell
There isn’t a better quote that defines my first solo travel experience.
The Moment That Changed Everything
Some people say they have pivotal moments in their life which define them. I certainly did. I remember the exact moment.
In 2011 I took my first “solo” trip to Paris. It was my first night in the city. Darkness was just beginning to fall. I was standing on the steps outside my hotel which had a view of the Eiffel Tower when the magical moment came. The twinkling lights of the tower made its hourly spectacle for my eyes to see for the first time. As I stood watching, tears fell down my cheeks. My heart and soul overflowed with joy. I had done it. I had made it to my dream destination.
Why Paris? The Dream Behind the Destination
For as long as I can remember I loved fashion. I was a faithful subscriber to Vogue, Bazaar, and a host of other fashion magazines. I wrote my final college paper on designer Yves Saint Laurent. Naturally, my dream was to someday go to the fashion capital of the world, Paris. Much later, I would pour over books about Paris and French culture. Studying maps of Paris. Making mental lists of all the places I wanted to see. At the time it was just that, a dream, but it was fun to dream that dream. One I didn’t think was possible to ever come true. There was no way I’d ever have enough money.
Years later, I was working full-time in manufacturing, married, a mom, and living my life.
I had worked with a woman who was my age and had a daughter the same age as my daughter. We were both barely in our 40s when she suffered a brain aneurysm without warning. She was never able to come home again. She died in June of 2011 after years of living her life barely functioning in a nursing home.
Although we were not close friends, her aneurysm affected me more than I ever told anyone. It made me realize that we have one life and it could end without warning at any time. This brought me back to that dream of going to Paris.
Turning a Dream into Reality: The Paris Fund
Not long after this happened to my coworker, I went to my bank and opened up a separate savings account. I called it the “Paris Fund”. I pledged I would deposit $15 out of every paycheck into that fund. I needed to make the dream of Paris come true before it was too late.
Seven years later, at 48, I had enough money in that account to make that dream a reality. I was determined and when not one single person would go with me, I started researching going solo. I had never gone anywhere by myself before. Most family and friends thought I was crazy. I got questions like” Why in the world would you ever want to go THERE?” Others were encouraging, admiring my bravery.
This was my dream. My non-traveling husband was 100% behind me. The rest didn’t matter.
Facing Fear: The Decision to Travel Solo
I’ll admit, I was scared, but my determination outweighed my fear. The line “if not now, when” played in my mind. It was time.
Then an ad came on TV. Rick, my husband, told me that he saw an ad promoting a group tour hosted by a well-known Wisconsin local news anchor to (of all places) Paris. It was a full week. He said that this could be my way of getting to Paris. After all, I watched Erin every night on the news, I didn’t know her, but I knew of her. I think he felt more comfortable with this idea than me solo traveling across the world having never solo traveled before.
Two weeks later, I made my down payment on that trip with 40 strangers to Paris. I had seven months to wait until the big day. Those seven months were filled with excitement. The nervousness eased a bit knowing I wouldn’t be alone. In my mind, I saw this as a first step. The comfort of a group, while learning everything so one day I would go back on my own.
The closer the departure day came, the more the self-doubt crept back in.
Would people like me?
Would I have to dine alone on free days?
Can I navigate the streets if I am alone?
Would Paris live up to my high expectations?
Paris: A City That Stole My Heart
The day finally came when Rick dropped me off at the airport. I was overcome with nervous excitement. I was about to embark on a trip that would change my life.
The Paris bug bit me as soon as we landed. From the moment we arrived in the city, I was smitten. The beautiful storefronts, the cafes, the architecture. I looked away as our bus passed by the Eiffel Tower for the first time for fear of my seatmate seeing the happy tears running down my cheeks. This was a feeling I had never felt before. I felt like I was home. Like I belonged in Paris. The overwhelming emotion I felt was unexpected.
Finding Myself in the City of Light
We saw all the highlights. With wide eyes, I strolled along the Champs Elysee, got close to the Mona Lisa, spent my free day on a shopping mission at La Bon Marche, and walked in Picasso’s footsteps in Montmartre. With each day, I felt like I was getting to know myself. I felt lighter than air. I held myself up differently. I felt free. All those questions of doubt never came to fruition.
I became friends with everyone, especially a group of four ladies who were together and in their early 70’s. I had never been around women that age who were so happy and carefree before. Theirs is an example I follow today.
Empowering Women Through Solo Travel
Sadly, my week in Paris ended in the blink of an eye, but I vowed to visit again soon (I went back in 2016). From that first night outside the hotel, I fell in love with the city (which I call my “heart home”) and its charms. Overcoming my fear and taking that trip empowered me like nothing had before. I felt like I could conquer the world and do anything.
Because of that trip, I have made it my mission to inspire women like myself, to conquer their fears and live a joy-filled life through solo travel. I want every midlife woman to experience that pivotal moment like I did.
Lessons Learned from Solo Adventures
I have learned something about myself on every solo trip I have taken. Whether I’m camping, doing book research, or exploring a European city, I’ve learned I enjoy my own company. I’ve learned that I love being open to meeting others, particularly other traveling women, and making new friends around the world. Most of all, I’ve learned that it took going to Paris, solo, for the first time, to meet myself.
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Lori Helke is an author and travel writer from Wisconsin. She is the founder of the travel and lifestyle blog Lori Loves Adventure where she writes about her solo travel experiences, and is the author of the Beatrice the Little Camper children’s picture book series, as well as the travel guide ‘Wisconsin Harbor Towns: The Ultimate Wisconsin Road Trip Guide.’ Lori has a monthly travel segment on Local 5 Live, a Green Bay, Wisconsin TV morning show, has contributed to several online and print publications, and serves on the Visit Sheboygan Board Of Directors.
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